Living the Middle Life

In soviet Russia, the middle life is living.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007


Just to clarify, The crucifix is, indeed, on a chain, to be worn around the neck. And the gloves are to be indoor gloves, no silly mitten on the back of the hand that gets flipped over the fingers for insto "gloverage coverage." Thin, sleek, black, finger gloves.

Rachel, you asked?

Did anyone see that comment on my last blog post? The Dear Santa post? The comment that was all weird and illegible?

It was Portuguese. Babel Fish translated it thusly:

"Oi, I found its blog for google is well interesting I liked this post. It would like to speak on the CresceNet. The CresceNet is a dialed supplier of InterNet that remunerates its users for the hardwired time. Accurately this that you read, is paying you to connect. The paid supplier 20 cents for the moment of connection dialed with local linking for more than 2100 cities of Brazil. The CresceNet has a connection accelerator, that leaves its faster connection up to 10 times. Who uses broad band can also profit, is enough to register in cadastre itself in the CresceNet and when it will be to sleep to connect for dialed, it is possible to pay the ADSL alone with the money of the dialed one. In the schedules of only minute the expense with telephone is minimum and the remuneration of the generous CresceNet. If you I to want to linkar Cresce.Net( in its blog I would be been thankful, until more and success. If is possible add the CresceNet( in your blogroll, I thank. Good bye friend."

interesting, no?

Friday, November 23, 2007

Dear Santa,

For Christmas, I would like world peace.


As cool as that would be, howsabouts I set my eyes on REALISTIC and ATTAINABLE Christmas gifts?

1:) iPod. It doesn't have to be an actual iPod. Actually, I think I'd probably prefer it to not be one. Just a generic MP3 player would be fine. I'd also like an earphone. Not earphoneS mind. Just one bud for one ear, leaving the other one free to hear real things and real people. That's just a bonus though, I don't even know if "they" make things like that.

2:) USB Flash Drive. Also known as Jump Drives. 1Gig is fine.

3:) Computer Bag/Messenger Bag. Sort of a dual purpose bag. I noticed Dad's computer bag has one compartment for the computer, but a smaller one one the front for peripherals. Just keep both slots the same size, it should work fine.

4:) Crucifix. That's a crucifix, not cross. The crucifix is the one with the corpus on it. I'd like somewhere between 1 and 2 inches tall. Silver, not gold. (actually, that should probably be more like, "steel, not brass..") Both together is fine. Actually, that would probably be cooler, just more expensive.

5:) MechWarrior Miniatures. If the guy at the store what you want, mention "Dark Age," "Age of Destruction," "Wizkids," or, "Clix."

6:) New Slippers.
I've had my current ones for several years, and they are quite literally falling apart. I don't have a right big-toe on it. They're also plaid. Not that their's anything terribly wrong with it mind, just, not as desirable as basic black (or dark grey, green or blue.)

7:) Typing Gloves. These are gloves with an inch or two of fabric missing from the fingertips. I don't want just cheep gloves with the fingers cut off, I already have those. Infact, I'm wearing them right now. However, the ends are fraying. This means I cannot wash them, and they will destroy themselves in a few months. I'd like something black, clean, WASHABLE, and has no thumbs AS WELL AS no fingers.

8:) Undergarments. Shirts and pants. I have only one pair of long-johns, mediums, 32-34, fits fine. Now, I don't want underwear SHIRTS see, but warm, tight, longsleeved shirts. I know Matt (brother-in-law) has a few of the type I have in mind. (unless they're $50 a pop) I'm also about Matt's size. Just talk to him for info. (or steal his shirts)

9:) A Hat. Trilby or Fedora, preferably trilby. Matches my coat, the snazzy one. I don't want the hat to be too small mind. My head is 23.5 inches around. Don't know how that translates into hat sizes, but a little bigger is better than a little smaller.

Now, I don't expect you to get me all of these, but if you, the Easter Rabbit, and the Great Pumpkin, all go together, I might get a few. Just be sure you communicate with each other about what your getting me. I'd rather prefer you didn't all get me slippers. Thanks.


Wednesday, November 21, 2007

"That's like the fake phone number of food."

well, one of Ethans friends gave a free ice cream cone cupon
Rachel: Was it a girl?
me: yes
Rachel: Sweet
me: but it expired the day previous.
Rachel: Oh
Not so sweet
me: I think she was in cahoots with Ethan
Rachel: That's like the fake phone number of food.
An expired coupon
me: That is getting quoted.
Rachel: hee hee
Go for it

Saturday, November 17, 2007


Fact # 3: I think I'm slightly zoophobic.

It's not like I'll see a cat and run away screaming, but I do feel a little uneasy around animals.

The first time I visited the Rheins', I didn't see their dog until the morning of the second day. Looked like a small long-haired bear. I paused, my knife half-way through my bagel, watching it very, very cautiously.

I don't pick up the cat. Other people pick up the cat. Just grab her and pet her while the walk the ten feet into the next room. I will occasionally grab her around her middle, and throw her three feet off to the side if she's in a place she's not supposed to be, but never more than that. I'll pet her, but I'm always watching her claws.

Everyone in my family loves horses. Just loves them to pieces. They're okay, except when they're being stubborn and stupid, which is all the time. I haven't met a horse that seems to like me. I hear comments about how whatever horse I'm leading is usually nice. Right... Do you have any idea how big their hoofs are? They could kill a man with one swift kick, he wouldn't have any idea what hit him. (get it? eh? eh?)

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Kill the Beast!

BELLE: My father's not crazy and I can prove it! Show me the beast!

(The magic mirror shines, then produces the image of
the Beast. The crowd oohs and aahs at it.)

WOMAN 1: Is it dangerous?

BELLE: Oh, no. He'd never hurt anyone. Please, I know he looks vicious, but he's really kind and gentle. He's my friend.

GASTON: If I didn't know better, I'd think you had feelings for this monster.

BELLE: He's no monster, Gaston. You are!

GASTON: She's as crazy as the old man.

The beast will make off with your children,
he'll come after them in the night.
We're not safe 'till his head is mounted on my wall.
I say we kill the beast!

Man: We're not safe until he's dead.
Man 2: He'll come stalking us at night.
Woman: Set to sacrifice our children to his montrous appetite.
Man 3: He'll wreak havok on our village if we let him wander free!

Gaston: So it's time to take some action boys!
It's time---to---fol---low---me!

Through the mist, through the woods,
through the darkness and the shadows.
It's a nightmare but it one exciting ride.
Say a prayer, then we're there,
at the drawbridge of a castle,
and there's something truly terrible inside.

It's a beast, he's got fangs razor sharp ones.
Massive paws, killer claws for the feed.
Hear him roar, see him foam,
but we're not coming home,
'till he's dead, good and dead. Kill the beast.

Belle: NO! I won't let you do this!

Gaston: If you're not with us, you're against.
Bring the old man!

Maurice: Get your hands off me!

Gaston: We can't have them running off to warn the creature.

Belle: Let us out!

Gaston: We'll rid the village of this beast, who's with me?!

Get your torch, mount you horse,

Through your courage to the stinking place.

We're counting on your stud to lead the way.
Through a mist to the wood, where we see a haunted castle,
something's lurking that you don't see every day.
It's a beast, just as tall as a mountain,
We won't rest 'till he's good and deceased.
Steady fourth, tally ho! Grab your sword, grab your bow!
Let's get on and here we go!

Gaston: We'll lay seige to the castle, and bring back his head!

Chorus: We don't like what we don't...
understand and in fact it scares us,
and this monster is mysterious at least.
Bring your guns, bring your knives,
save children and and your wives,
so save our village and our lives!

Cogsworth: I knew it, I knew it was foolish to get our hopes up.
Lumiere: Maybe it would have been better if she'd never come at all.
Dog barks
Lumiere: Could it be?
Mrs Potts: Is it she?
Lumiere: Scara bleu! Invaders!
Cogsworth: Encroachers!
Mrs Potts: and they 'ave the mirror!
Cogsworth: Warn the master. If it's a fight they want,
we'll be ready for them. Who's with me! Arrrgh!

Gaston: Take whatever booty you can find, but remember!

Castle Furnishings:
Find a place, stand aside, we go marching into battle,
unafraid of all the things you just decreed.

Village chorus:
Raise the ram, sing this song,
here we come at fifty strong.
If fifty frenchmen can be wrong,
let's kill the beast!

Where are they getting all this from? "He'll make off with your children," "He'll wreck havoc on our village." Gaston's just making this stuff up, and the people believe it? They lock up Belle, the only person qualified to talk about The Beast, and refuse to listen to her.


Well, I suppose one could say it's just a movie, which would be true, but it's also an excellent description of human nature. They want to have danger, adventure and a problem that they can fix.

Especially a problem they can fix.

They don't want to hear the goo news. The news that even though The Beast was rude and hot tempered, Belle already put up with it for them, and tamed him. He's not mean anymore.

They would rather deal with The Beast themselves.

People are much happier when told they can make a difference. They love to hear there's a problem, because then they can fix it by their own power.

(And Gaston is Al Gore. That thought made me crack up. I giggled for five minute straight. I'm still laughing.)

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Reading Level

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Take that Rachel! Ha!

Friday, November 09, 2007

Green Poodles Are Bent on World Domination

I got tagged a while back. I suppose this is a little late... but I'll give it a stab.



Naw... I guess not.



Naw... I'll do it, just take a different approach. Instead of doing it all at once, i'll go little bit at a time. For #1, I'll go with the ACT post I made a while back. So,

#1: I move slow. I am cautious.

Now number two will be from story from my visit to the doctor the other day.

I'm always tired and worn. sleeping 10+ hours a night and a couple naps a day. I tried the theory I was dehydrated for a while. That would also explain the constant headaches. So I drank water, a lot of water. It didn't work. My next theory? Still dehydration, just that I didn't have enough salt to retain the water. So I bought one of those tubs of powdered Gatorade.

Didn't work either.

Next theory. Anemia.

I had a doctor appointment last tuesday. It wasn't as scary as I imagined. They drew blood to take tests on. The needles feels weirder coming out than going in. The blood is rather dark when it hasn't been exposed to air. That must be what makes is so easy to see under my skin.

But before the blood drawing I had to talk with the docter. An interesting fact came to light.

I eat tones. Almost literally. I eat sooo much. I drink a lot of water. I rest a bunch too.

That's a lot of energy. Why am I always tired?

So fact nunber 2 is now here.

#2: My body has energy leeched from it to fuel a pocket dimension full of green poodles. (it's the only rational option left)

Thursday, November 08, 2007


I just ran across this website called Snorg Tees. It's got quite a few funny tee shirts.

Friday, November 02, 2007

A Two-Act Piggly Wiggly Drama

I have a visit to Concordia University Wisconsin scheduled for the tenth. That is a Saturday. Now, even though I'm not usually scheduled to work on Saturdays, it can happen. So for a while now I've been meaning to tell my boss about this. I want to make sure that I'm not scheduled to work, and to visit a college on the same day.

Notice I've said, "For a while now." Notice how that implies that I haven't yet mentioned it to my boss. I didn't write that by accident. I wrote that because I have, infact, failed to mention it to this boss of mine.

So this morning at around 8 o'clock, just before work, I sprint upstairs to his office to tell him. It needs to be before work because this day is Friday, and Fridays are when the schedules for the next weeks are written. He was discussing something or other with our "Scan Coordinator Manager" who was seated opposite from him across the desk. Apparently it wasn't too important or urgent because he was able to attend to me as soon as I walked through the door.

"Quick, before you write the schedule, I need to tell you I'll be up in Mequon next Saturday," I say, rather hurriedly.

He look a little thoughtful for a moment before responding, "Okay, thanks." But our "Scan Coordinator Manager" asked, slightly sarcastically, "Mequon? What are you doing there?"

"I'll be visiting CUW," I respond. "It's a college," I add, realizing that they might not recognize CUW as an acronym for Concordia University Wisconsin.

"Aw crap," our "Scan Coordinator Manager" mutters, "We're gonna' loose Paul too."

I felt kinda bad about it, but I also felt good. It means they like me.


Near the end of my four hour schedule my boss asks if I could stay another hour. Until 1 o'clock instead of 'till noon. Now, I'm using my parents' car instead of mine because it's in the shop. I tell him I'll have to call home to ask if they mind me keeping the car a little longer.

I get behind the counter of the service desk, figure out the complicated phone, and call home. Nobody answers. I call the church line. Nobody answers. My logical conclusion? That nobody is home. Now, If nobody's home, nobody will be the only body to care that the car isn't back at noon. I (and the car) can stay.

At about quarter after my mom shows up. She had been waiting out in the parking lot for fifteen minutes for me to come out. Fifteen minutes. Why was she waiting for me for fifteen minutes?

Apparently the stove wasn't working right, and everyone had bundled into the van to go to the Pizza Hut down the street from my store. Their plan was to be at Pizza Hut at noon, and drop mom off to intercept me as I left Piggly Wiggly.

That was why nobody was home. And even though nobody was home, a body did care about me staying too long. Four bodies to be exact.

I have to admit, it was a pretty clever plan. It just happened that the one hole in it managed to get exploited. I don't often get asked to stay, but today was a rare exception, with major consequences.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

The Legend of Zelda TV Show

As Philip put it, "This is bad, this is quality bad."